Lua Days: The Talk AKA Signer Sex Ed
by Saq78642
Summary: /Unique couple boost/ Yusei catches Lua doing something; he then decides to get Jack to help him give him the sex-ed talk. When it backfires, chaos insues and hormones rage. Not to mention Lua's perverted mind isn't helping at all. Rated T for sexuality


* * *

5D's…Lua Days

Saq: Welcome to a cracky fanfic, which was originally 2 separate oneshots. One for my friend and one for Lucarly's Unique Couple Boost in the Janime forums. Now it's one good ol' mass pervshot. XD Anyway…on with the fic. (No character intros this time)

Disclaimer: Saq78642 does not own 5D's...if he did...it would be OVER 9000 times more epic win

* * *

The signers garage had two necessities that needed fixing. Their newest D-Wheel and boredom; after all, being a kid around a group of signers/criminals/and people who were ostracized from society didn't make for much daily fun. That being said…Lua was the first to act upon it.

"Bye, minna-san! Oh…Luka-chan?"

"Yeah Lua-kun?" Luka stopped, turned around, and replied back.

"When are you going to be back?" Lua called out

"…ummm…probably around tomorrow afternoon." Luka replied thoughtfully

"Oh…Have fun!" Lua replied while feeling slightly disappointed though he brushed it off and replied back

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. It's just a sleepover." Luka added reassuringly

"Okay…bye!" Lua forced out with a pseudo-smile.

* * *

Signer Basement

"Okay Jack, fire it up." Yusei said after rechecking the motorcycle's specs on his laptop.

"Acceleration…20, 30, 50, 70, 94, 105…wait…slow down, Jack!" Crow interrupted

"HUH? WHAT?" Jack bellowed not noticing the warning signs appearing on the laptop

And then silence…

"What the," Jack began as he was cut off as the internal parts flamed red and exploded leaving soot on his face. "That's one way to do things…"

"Damn and I focused on torque, rather than horsepower on that one too." Yusei mumbled

"Judging from that…I'd say ANOTHER failure!" Lua chimed in laughing while gripping his backpack tightly

"Shut up, you flea!" Jack shouted back

Lua took this time to laugh and throw his backpack at the signer and stick his tongue out. He then brought his hands to his hips and posed.

"Why you little shit…I'm going to get you for that one!" Jack raged back

"Yeah, yeah Mr. Former King," Lua turned and walked down the stairs, completely brushing the threat off and turning to Crow "and aren't you on delivery service? Isn't 'Crow-sama' the fastest?"

"This is where I agree with the brat, we need money for parts." Jack added

"I'm keeping the idea of torque. Go ahead, Crow," Yusei stated, not looking up from his laptop as Crow ran out of the building "as for you Lua, where's Luka? Did she not come with you?"

"No, a sleepover."

"I see, wouldn't you want to go with her?"

"I'd rather not impose."

"How thoughtful, but are you sure?"

"…yes. Are you coming for dinner?"

"I'm not that disconnected to not be able to share time with everyone. I'll be there, before 8…I promise."

"I see…well…I'm going."

* * *

Inside the house

"Aki nee-chan?"

"Hai, what is it?" Aki stated, looking up from her book

"Ano..."

"Well sit down," Aki stated mentioning with her hand to a spot on her bad next to her "and tell me all about it."

"Well..."

The sun's colors began to mix in a frevor of darker hues and longer wavelengths...sunset had vastly approached.

"I see, so basically...that happened. Before I attempt to assist you or answer your questions...may I ask: Do you not want Luka to assist you?"

"Yes but..."

"I see, what about your friends..."

"But they..."

"...relax. I bet if you asked Yusei-"

"BUT THAT'S JUST IT! Yusei's locked in the basement or the garage...24/7. Him, Jack, and Crow...I'm starting to think they're gay!"

Aki laughed "Hey, while they may be a bond of brothers or some crap like that, I don't think you want to be asking a person who had security after her as a teenager daily, about your hormone problems!"

"How about a hint...a little?"

"Sure. You're normal, a little overexcited, but you're normal; but that's where these 'kizuna'--bonds come in. They should tell you, personally. At least...that how it should be so you don't blush as often. If they fail, I'll help."

Lua instantly flushed red "Uhhh...thank you Aki nee-chan!"

_The twins have been through so much and they're pre-teens. Perhaps normal problems may be good for them. _Aki mentally mused, before returning to her book.

* * *

Dinner was quiet; this was mainly due to the awkwardnees Lua felt in asking Yusei for help, normally this chatter box would be howling away at one thing or another and entertaining the Signers; however, today was an exception, and with Luka and Crow gone the backup chatterboxes were also gone.

"Are you sure your okay Lua?" Yusei asked, unsure of what to do about the silence

"Yeah...I'm going to bed." Lua said as he pushed his plate away, stood up and made his way to the sink. As the washed his plate the thought deeply about his current stutain before asking "Yusei...?"

"Yeah?" He replied

"...nothing."

"Okay."

Lua placed his plate on the rack and walked up the stairs...he still didn't take his socks off.

"You know Yusei, you may want to check up on Rua...he may have a problem." Aki noted

"Yes, I'll check it out later."

"Now Yusei, back to testing." Jack stated as he got up and left the room

* * *

Sunrise. Birds chirping...a new theoredical model was bluprinted and finished...7:30 AM...Yusei head the floor creaking from upstairs...

_Oh no...I didn't see Lua_! Yusei bolted up the stairs onto the top floor. Once at the top, the dimly lit hallway allowed for the lights that were on in Lua's room to reflect onto the floor. Yusei tiptoed quietly, peeking into the crack that was open, to see if he was awake to talk...but what he saw...

"LUKAAAAAA~!" Lua moaned as the thrusted his hips forward and shouted

Yusei instantly closed the door and headed down the stairs _WHAT THE FUCK? I need Jack...NOW!_

_"_JACK!" Yusei shouted

"What? I'm busy."

"It's important."

"Can it wait?"

"No."

"What is it?"

"Lua...he..."

"...WHAT? I'll get him"

Jack grabbed Lua by the collar and dragged him down the stairs to the basement. He then closed and loked the door behind him, bolting it and closing the window shades

"Uh...I think your scaring him..." Yusei stated

"Just go on." Jack stated back.

"Lua! I think I know how your feeling stringe and funny inside...but that's okay...Jack and I will explain it all to you. Won't you Jack?" Yusei asked

"WHAT? NO! You called me to give the talk to a 12 year old brat?!" Jack shouted back in a rage.

"I'm-" Rua began

"I don't care! Point is...I'm not doing it!"

"Since I'm not working, your not geting anything done."

"...fine. Make it quick."

* * *

The Talk...First Ascent

"So...I know you are starting to feel that way about girls and you want to experiment...but you can't make your 'happy time' that obvious" Yusei explained

"...but what about guys?"

"Huh...what do you mean?" Yusei asked

"You we're part of Team Satisfaction right?"

"Where are you going with this?" Jack asked while taking a sip of his coffee

"You were gay for eachother?" Lua stated Jack spit out his coffee onto the blueprint and began gagging

"Ummm...I think you have the wrong idea..." Yusei tried to explain

"No...something like this:

**'Hey Crow?' Kiryu asked**

**'Yea?' **

**'I've been thinking...and I want to experiment a bit' Kiryu stated**

**'Sure...on what?'**

**'You.' Kiryu stated as he put his arm around his fellow team member**

**'We're teamates right?'**

**'Yeah Crow...we'll satisfy you...I know you like getting frisked by that cop. I know Kiryu did. He took it long and hard just so he could escape.' Jack stated as he began stripping**

**'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!' Crow screamed**"

"I think I'm gonna die." Jack stated

"We're not gay, Lua."

"Okay...then maybe you guys like gang rape or something"

"What?" Yusei coughed

"Like the Black Rose Witch"

"Huh?" Jack said totally caught off guard

"**Like this:**

**'We got her!' Kiryu stated as he handcuffed her 'Handcuffs!' **

**'Don't worry pretty lady...we're not done yet...we're Team Satisfaction'**

**'Let me be the first to 'unmask' you' Yusei stated as he reached in and took off her mask. He then began violently making out with her as the other members begain stripping her clothes**

**Later when the Black Rose Witch woke up, she found a card that said:**

**You satisfied Team Satisfaction! Thanks~**" Lua narrated

"...We weren't rapists...at least...I hope not." Yusei recounted

"But what about now?" Lua asked

"Explain what you mean?" Yusei asked, puzzled

"The Jail:

**"How do you like this criminal?" the guards shouted as they shocked and violated Yusei.**

**"OHHHHHH!" Yusei moaned**

and don't forget about Aki. Have you thought about her?"

"Ummm...." Yusei began

"Well Jack. Since your not really doing anything...let me jog your 'memory' about her powers:

**Jack felt an icy cold hand work its way down his shirt, literally unseaming it, tearing at it, converting it back into raw materials. He looked up to see the icy cold stare of a woman with golden eyes. OH SHIT. Jack thought. 'You're mine' Aki wispered before knocking him onto a bed**" Lua narrated

"...I...I've never thought that...I swear!" Jack fumbled...it wasn't like him to be all defensive

"Well Yusei...your next:

**'Yusei...your such a man' Aki stated while rubbing his chest "Too bad...I'm not a good girl' **

**She stated while slapping him across the face and then sticking her fingers in his mouth. 'Suck it. BITCH.'**" Lua narrated

All this stimulation was too much for Yusei as he began to drool and nosebleed at the same time

"No! I must beg to differ. What about Misty?" Yusei attempted to divert the subject

"Misty gave Divine the reciving end of her 'Earthbound God'.

**'I hope you like taking it...this one's called Ccarayhua!" Misty shouted as she gave Divine what was coming to him**

**'OHHHHHH! MISTY-SAN!' Divine called out**" Lua narrated

"But too bad they're all gay."

"No one's gay!" Jack shouted back

"Oh yeah? Carly is."

"No she isn't! I know for a fact."

"Fine...then what about this:

**'What brings you to my hotel room Carly?' Misty asked**

**'I want you to teach me...everything you know...I'll do anything!' Carly begged**

**'Oh yeah? How about some training'**" Lua narrated

At this point Jack was horrified...how could his girl be a lezzie?

"If you thought that was bad...try this:

**'You killed my brother!' Misty shouted**

**'Then die if you must. Slowly. Now bend over, you slut!' Aki shouted back**" Lua narrated

At this point even Yusei was trembling

"Okay...Lua...I think you've done enough. I think it's time we know where you stand and how to fix you." Yusei said, instantly coming back to reality

"Yes, we'll need help though." Jack agreed

"I'm backkkk! Miss my guys? Guys?" Crow said as he entered

* * *

The Talk...Second Ascent

"We're trying to talk him outta incest. Any ideas?" Jack asked

"Crow-sama will try!" He stated

"Good luck!" Yusei said, thanking him

"Okay boys have this," Crow explainined pointing to a light bulb. "Girls have this," Crow stated pointing to a socket and then screwing them together "This is normal."

"Now this is incest." Crow then dipped the circut in gasoline and lit it and let the thing explode glass shards everywhere.

"WOW! I never knew!" Lua said

"See?" Crow said and gave a thumbs up to Yusei and Jack

"Now I really wanna blow my seed in her!" Lua stated happily

Jack then smacked his head and kicked Crow in the balls causing him to limp into the hallway

"Now we have bigger problems!" Jack shouted

* * *

The Talk...Third Ascent

"What's all that noise?" Aki asked

"PLEASE! you have to teach this boy!" Crow begged as he clasped his hands together

"Yes. But first, let's go upstairs." Aki stated "Lua, come here."

A short while after breakfast Aki and Lua went into a room and closed the door

Yusei placed a glass agaist the door and heard:

"Ohhhh! Not there! Harder!"

"Just relax...they're moving a bookcase...yes...across the room...wrong place...harder pushing...ahhh!" Yusei atteped to regain self control.

About ten minutes later Aki came out with Luka who was panting extremely hard...though almost smiling

"What?" she asked

Jack was tightly holding the table and chair, Yusei was ripping foam out of the couch, and Crow looked like he was eating lint.

"I gave him hands-on training." Aki shrugged

Yusei began to bang his head against the wall many times and Crow began to sulk in the corner pushing a ball of yarn stating 'I don't wanna die a virgin!'

"I'm home!" Luka shouted...and everything stopped...the challenge had begun.

"Ummm...any progress?" Yusei asked _I could have sworn I saw a couple rips in her shirt...and her chest looks a little fuller if you know what I mean...wait...it must be the hormones pushing images into my head. _Yusei thought

"Well I gave the example of Misty's relationship with her brother."

"What did Lua say?"

"He said that he'd want Misty taking care of him any day."

"Yeah...no progress" Crow stated

* * *

The rest of the day was oddly silent...until Luka came into Aki's room

"Umm...Aki nee-chan?" Luka asked

_What am I? Your sex-ed teacher? _Aki mentally slapped herself

After she was done with Aki she proceeded to go to Yusei and Jack for some questions

"Um, Yusei nii-san?" Luka asked

"What is it Luka?"

Luka then began to unzip her jacket as Yusei felt his heat rise

"About this mark..."

_God I feel like a pedophile _Yusei mentally stated.

She then proceeded to Jack for one more

"Um Jack...you have the measuing tape?"

"Yes? Do you need it?"

"Can you pleasure me"

"Excuse me?"

"Can you measure my height?"

_God...I am burning in hell._

Later, Yusei held a meeting to see what could be done.

"Aki...did you speak to Luka?" _Is it just me or is Aki's skirt wet, has the ends unthreaded, has bite marks, and her gloves are dirty...damn it hormones! _Yusei thought

"Yeah...and some hands-on training" Aki stated

Yusei proceeded to bang his head against the wall once again as Jack almost cried and Crow was attempting to comfort Jack

"What?"

That night Lua and Luka said good night to the rest of the Signers and proceeded to enter their room. Lua quickly closed it and began to talk to Luka

"I missed you alot"

"Sorry..." Luka replied

"You know I care about you...and I was worried."

"Lua..."

Lua then reached in to kiss her

Yusei, being the stealthy one he is heard this...and ran downstairs to alert the rest of the Signers about the problem.

"He's doing her. Now. Aki, have Plan B ready"

"Of course."

The room that the twins woke up to contained filthy sheets, turned over lampshades, and curtainless windows. Little did they know that breakfast was going to be very intresting.

* * *

At The Table

"Luka take your medicine." Aki stated "Open your mouth"

This was when she noticed Luka's stained pants, she then popped a pill of Plan B into her mouth. and gave her water. Luka swallowed but then said

"That didn't seem like my regular-"

"It's fine. You may want to take that too." Aki said quickly

"But then what was that?"

"That was important for today. I noticed your pants are stained...don't you want to change them?" Aki asked

"Yes...I'll be back" Luka blushed and ran upstairs

Breakfast was oddly lound and busy as ever. Fun was admist until Aki asked Lua

"Did you listen to me?"

"Yes, of course." Lua lied

"Lies!" Aki shouted and Lua then found himself being shattered into serveral walls

Ushio and Mikage we're standing outside ready to ring the doorbell

"Now that's an intresting greeting" Ushio noted

"Do you think we came at a bad time?" Mikage asked

* * *

Saq: That was so close to M...maybe it is M. If you were offended...too bad! Tell me if you want to switch this to M. Note I was going to ask something about police frisking them after Team Satisfaction...but the gay content was adding up.


End file.
